


bubble gum

by babeyjj



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emily Prentiss - Freeform, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, Hurt/Comfort, Jemily - Freeform, Lesbian Emily Prentiss, emily is super mega gay, evil will :(, jennifer jareau - Freeform, much yearning, tw guns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27598132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babeyjj/pseuds/babeyjj
Summary: i'm sorry i didn't kiss youbut it's obvious i wanted to
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	bubble gum

Emily flipped the last page of her case file over and clicked her pen, taking a second to check over the work she’d done. She was proud of herself. It usually took her much longer than an hour to complete an entire report. But there was a reason she was so intent on staying focused. If she didn’t, her mind would wander, and she knew exactly where it would go. And she couldn’t let that happen. Not right now. 

A sharp inhale from across the hotel room caught Emily’s attention, and she whipped her head around to investigate the sound. It was JJ, sitting cross-legged on the other bed, fiddling with the bandages on her arm. Her chest rose and fell with slow, deep breaths at an attempt to control the pain. The elastic cloth wrapping her injury was a harsh tan color, supposedly to blend in with your skin. Although it was jarring against JJ’s warm-toned limbs. 

Emily used her tongue to push the gum she was chewing towards the back of her mouth, preparing to speak. But her mouth refused to form any kind of coherent words to express what she was feeling. She needed to come clean. What was there to say? 

“I’m sorry.” 

It was the only thing she could manage to choke out. Her hand subconsciously patted the sheets around her to search for the pen and she clicked it nervously, a habit she’d only picked up from watching a certain blonde haired girl do it for so long.

JJ’s gaze shifted from her arm to Emily's eyes, electric blue staring into warm brown, her expression a mix of expectancy and confusion. 

“For what?” 

_For what._ What was Emily sorry for? There was an endless list of things. 

She thought back to earlier that night, in the dinky hotel bathroom only a few feet from where they were sitting now.

\--

_“Hold still,” Emily ordered gently, shaking out an alcohol wipe from the first-aid kit. “This might hurt.”_

_JJ nodded from her position on the cold tile floor and gripped the edge of the counter with her other hand in preparation, her knuckles turning an intense shade of white._

_Emily took the wipe and dabbed around the deep wound on JJ’s arm, trying to keep her face expressionless and cool._

_JJ had rushed into the unsub’s house against Hotch’s orders, saying she needed to save the boy, that he would die if they didn’t get in there. Two gunshots later, the unsub was dead, the kid was safe, and there was an awful graze gunshot wound above JJs’s left elbow. But she was right. He would’ve been gone if they’d been a split second later._

_Emily glanced up before quickly realizing that was a mistake. JJ was incredibly close. Too close. Every breath meant smelling the warm scent of her vanilla shampoo. A worry line was forming between her furrowed eyebrows that Emily desperately wanted to smooth out. Her watery blue eyes pooled with tears that had yet to spill, her cheeks and nose tinted red with emotion. Wispy blonde eyelashes glittered in the fluorescent light, as her mascara had been washed off hours ago._

_And her lips. Oh god, they were right there. Baby pink, slightly chapped, and parted as she took loud, deliberate breaths. They probably tasted like strawberry chapstick and salty tears. Emily could feel every sharp inhale, every shaky exhale, against her face. If only she could lean forward and close the gap, just for a few seconds. If only she could run the pad of her thumb against JJ’s soft cheek and brush away the dampness that resided there._

_“Ow.” JJ whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut. A single tear trailed its way to the corner of her mouth. She released her death grip from the sink and wiped it away before Emily had a chance to react._

_Hey, I’m done.” Emily finished cleaning the wound and sat back to examine it. It was good. Good enough for now. She grabbed a few squares and taped them over the wound, then took the peach colored cloth roll and wrapped it around JJ’s sensitive skin carefully. Emily’s hands were steady and calm, but her heart rate was jumping wildly. She was sure her thumping carotid was telling a different story then the facade she put on._

_Fortunately, Spencer wasn’t here. He would’ve been able to see right through her._

_“Is this too tight?” Emily attempted to sound reassuring, but her voice was small and uncertain._

_“It’s okay. Thanks, Em.” JJ responded softly, looking up. Was that love in her eyes? Admiration? Pain? Emily couldn’t tell the difference. They were all the same to her._

\--

A small cough jolted Emily from her thoughts. 

She watched as JJ used her finger to scratch behind her ear, something she did a lot when she was thinking. Her nails were smooth and plain and manicured, unlike Emily’s, which were close-bitten and jagged. Emily loved JJ’s nails. They weren’t long or flashy enough to be unprofessional, but ladylike. Proper. A perfect midpoint of both simplicity and elegance. 

Just like her. 

“What are you sorry for, Em?” JJ repeated. 

_I’m sorry I didn’t kiss you._

Emily bit the inside of her cheek, hard, feeling the soft flesh break between her teeth. The metallic taste of blood mixed with the gum’s minty flavor. It was enough to make her gag. Could she be more obvious? About anything? Was JJ really this oblivious? Or was she the the stupid one for believing there was a chance? 

“Sorry for… this.” Emily cleared her throat. “I knew you should’ve waited for backup. I should’ve... ” 

Emily’s gum moved toward the back of her mouth as she spoke, and by the end of the sentence she was forced to swallow it. It slid down her throat unnaturallly. 

JJ blinked. Her face was laced with concern for a split second before it all melted away just as quickly. She let out a breathy laugh.

“Don’t worry, Emily. I’m not blaming you. It was my fault, too. I guess I’m just as dumb as I was seven years ago.” 

Seven years ago. That was when she’d started at the BAU, before Will or Henry or anything. She was a naive 27 then. A baby. For Emily, that would’ve been when she was fresh from Doyle. Back when she had no idea of the family that waited for her. The group of people that would take her damaged pieces and find a way to put them back together. No idea of the love that she would yearn for, the kind she’d convinced herself she was incapable of experiencing. 

Emily gave JJ a lopsided smile. “I’m.. just glad you’re okay.” 

Seemingly satisfied with that answer, JJ nodded and turned back to her own file, humming softly to herself as she scribbled on the paper. Little Einsteins. Of course. 

Emily tore her eyes away, flitting them around the room. She needed to think about something, anything else. Her gaze landed on the vase of bright pink flowers sitting on the nightstand in between their beds. They’d been delivered by the victim’s family, as a thank you to Agent Jareau for helping them through the ordeal and, more importantly, finding their son. In Emily’s opinion, they were jarring, the same color as a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. She didn’t understand the appeal. But JJ almost cried over them, going on and on about how beautiful they were. 

Emily imagined plucking the healthiest, prettiest one from the vase and gently sliding it behind JJ’s ear. It would look nice in contrast with her eyes, and it would bring out the natural pink shade of her lips. She could take a picture, maybe, and put it on her desk back at the bureau. To look at when she was sad. 

A grin spread across her face at the thought. 

They fell into a comfortable silence, the only interruption being JJ’s gentle humming or the nighttime traffic of the city outside their hotel window. 

From the moment they’d met, all those years ago, Emily knew JJ was special. There was a golden aura that surrounded her. Gentle and trusting, its brightness could pierce through even the darkest of Emily’s clouds. It terrified her. The closer she got, the more likely she would end up dragging JJ into the shadows with her, extinguishing the light forever. It happened to everyone she’d ever cared about.

But her luck couldn’t get any worse, could it? The moon had fallen in love with the sun. They sat on opposite sides of the horizon. One loved, one feared. They were too different. It would never work.

“I like your shirt.” JJ said, disturbing the quiet, making Emily jump. Out of all the comments in the world, that was probably the one she’d least expected. 

My shirt? Emily looked down at her red, ratty, college tee, trying to discern if the compliment was genuine. “What?” 

JJ shrugged. “You look nice.” 

_What the hell does that mean?_

“I-I like yours, too, then.”

JJ was wearing a sky blue tank top that clung to her body perfectly. It rode up on her waist when she stretched and exposed a few inches of toned abdomen.

Emily’s words drew out a gentle smile from JJ, but it didn’t reach her eyes. There was only a few feet between them, and yet she seemed a million miles away.

She wanted to find out whatever was making JJ sad and obliterate it. Destroy it. Kill it so that it would never hurt her again. That was what she would say, in a perfect world. She’d shout it from the rooftops if she could. But the gum she’d swallowed earlier seemed to stick at the base of her throat, preventing anything she dreamed of declaring from ever coming out. 

“You okay?” Emily asked dumbly. 

JJ bit her lip. “It just hurts.” 

Surely, she was referring to her arm. But Emily had been working with JJ long enough to know what it looked like when she was in physical versus emotional pain. The cloudy eyes, the hunched body language…

Emily swallowed thickly. “Jennifer.” 

The use of her full name seemed to catch her attention and she adjusted her body so she could stare straight ahead at Emily. Her free hand came up to brush a loose strand of golden hair out of her face.

“You know, I-” Emily stopped herself. It wasn’t about her. “You know, we would do anything for you, right?” 

Would you say the same about me? The question rested at the tip of her tongue, but Emily kept her mouth shut. 

JJ nodded numbly. 

“So tell me what’s bothering you. I know it’s not your arm.” Was she pushing too hard? Who was Emily to tell her to open up more? She’s the one that spent 5 years lying to her team about her past, the one who still had trouble opening up about anything, and the one that snapped whenever someone pressured her to talk about anything other than the case. 

It would be easy for JJ to call Emily out on her hypocrisy. Emily wouldn’t be able to counter, and they could both go back to doing their work. 

But instead, she let out a long, shaky, sigh. “It’s.. Will.” 

Emily’s ears roared with anger at the mere mention of his name. Will. He’d impregnated JJ and then pushed her to get an abortion. Threatened to leave when she told him she was keeping it. Stayed distant from Henry. Never asking to take him. Just grudgingly accepting when JJ prompted. Not to mention he was ugly and had an awful accent. Emily didn’t understand why JJ had fallen for a man like him, and she couldn’t even begin to grasp how he’d let a woman like her slip away. 

Swallowing back her rage, Emily nudged JJ to keep talking. “What about him?” 

JJ fiddled with her pen, not meeting Emily’s eyes. “He, uh… he said that I can’t…” She shook her head and used her uninjured hand to rub at her eyebrow. “He told me that I can’t keep asking him to take Henry while I’m away on cases. Something… something about him not being a permanent babysitter.” 

God, Emily wanted to strangle him.

“He’s his father. Doesn’t he want to see him?”

“That’s what I thought, too, but he wants to take it to court. Work out a permanent plan. Which is probably one where he has less responsibility.” JJ pursed her lips. “Henry’s about to turn three. He’s going to ask why he doesn’t get to see his daddy as often. What… what am I supposed to tell him?”

Emily had no idea how to answer that. “I’m not sure, Jayje.” 

“Yeah, me neither.” A glare of anger had crept into JJ’s voice. Emily prayed it wasn’t directed at her. 

_Let me take care of it. I’ll make sure Will does what he’s supposed to and never bothers you again. I can make you 100 times happier than he ever could._

Emily couldn’t count how many times she’d imagined a future with JJ. One where they lived in a cute little house in a small town somewhere, Henry running around in their yard, and JJ laughing with him, her beautiful hair shining like melted gold in the sunlight. They could have a garden with lots of butterflies. She’d extend her hand out and bright blue wings would flutter onto her finger, the same hue as her eyes. 

“Just know that... we’ll support you no matter what, okay? Whatever happens, whatever you decide to do. We can help.” Emily grimaced at her own cowardice. 

Although her words were shallow and cliche, they seemed to help a little bit. JJ nodded and brought the back of her hand to her mouth to stifle a loud yawn. 

“We should probably go to bed. The jet leaves early tomorrow.” Emily gave JJ a quick once over before placing her file gently on the nightstand. Her hand reached for the lamp. 

“Wait,” JJ exclaimed, settling down into her pillow, resting her injured arm on top of her stomach. 

Emily froze, her heart racing.

“Thank you. For everything.” JJ smiled sleepily. “You’re a great friend.”

Right. 

“Night, Emily.” 

“Goodnight, JJ.” The room went dark with a sharp click. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading xoxo :) comment if you want to


End file.
